Safe Bedsharing: A Guide for Parents Who Don’t Want to Sleep Train

If you’re reading this, you’re likely a tired parent who has found themselves bedsharing, or thinking about it, because your baby simply won’t sleep anywhere else.

Maybe you’ve heard the warnings about bedsharing. Maybe you’ve read about “drowsy but awake” and wondered why your baby didn’t get the memo. Or maybe you’ve tried to follow the safe-sleep rules to the letter, only to find yourself nodding off in a chair at 3 am with your baby on your chest.

Here’s the truth: many parents bedshare, whether they plan to or not. Research from the UK and the US shows that a significant number of parents bring their baby into bed at some point, even if they initially intended to follow room‑sharing but separate sleep guidelines (Blair & Ball, 2020).

The problem is that bedsharing is often done unintentionally, in unsafe ways, because parents are exhausted and unsupported.

This blog is your guide to safe, responsive bedsharing, so you can get more rest without sleep training – and without unnecessary guilt or risk.


Why Parents Choose to Bedshare

Bedsharing is as old as humanity. In many cultures, it remains the norm, and SIDS rates are often lower where bedsharing is culturally embedded alongside breastfeeding and low smoking rates (Ball, 2007).

Parents today often bedshare because:

  • Their baby only settles with close contact
  • Frequent night feeds make constant transfers unsustainable
  • They want to follow their instincts and respond to their baby’s needs
  • Sleep training feels misaligned with their values

When done safely and intentionally, bedsharing can support breastfeeding, parental sleep, and emotional connection (Ball & Volpe, 2013).


The Biology of Bedsharing

Bedsharing can work in harmony with the biological design of both parent and infant:

  • Breastfeeding parents and infants often adopt a protective “C‑curl” position during bedsharing, with the baby at breast level and the parent’s arm forming a barrier against rolling (Ball, 2007).
  • Light maternal sleep while bedsharing is protective; parents tend to remain semi‑aroused, increasing awareness of baby’s presence (Blair et al., 2014).
  • Synchronised sleep cycles between mother and baby can promote frequent but short night feeds, supporting milk supply and reducing deep sleep that can increase risk (Mosko et al., 1997).

This close contact supports attachment, regulation, and maternal mental health – especially when sleep deprivation is otherwise extreme.


Safety First: The Safe Sleep Seven

If you decide to bedshare, it must be intentional and planned. The Safe Sleep Seven, promoted by La Leche League, provides evidence-based guidance for safer bedsharing:

Safe for breastfed babies when all 7 are met:

  1. Non-smoker: Neither parent smokes.
  2. Sober and unimpaired: No alcohol, sedatives, or recreational drugs.
  3. Breastfeeding parent present: Bedsharing is safest with a breastfeeding mother.
  4. Healthy, full-term baby: Avoid bedsharing with premature or unwell babies.
  5. Baby on back: Always place baby on their back to sleep.
  6. Clear sleep space: Firm mattress, no pillows/blankets near baby’s face, no cords or gaps.
  7. Baby lightly dressed: Avoid overheating – use a sleepsuit or light wearable blanket.

(McKenna & McDade, 2005; LLLI, 2018)


Where Bedsharing Becomes Unsafe

You should never bedshare if:

  • You or your partner smoke (even outside the bedroom)
  • You’ve consumed alcohol, sedatives, or recreational drugs
  • Your baby is premature or under 2.5kg
  • You’re sleeping on a sofa, armchair, or recliner (highest SIDS risk)
  • Your sleep surface is soft, sagging, or full of pillows and loose bedding

Tip: If you’re worried you might fall asleep while feeding, it is always safer to prepare the bed for safe bedsharing than to fall asleep sitting upright with your baby.


Practical Steps to Prepare a Safe Bedsharing Environment

  1. Use a firm mattress: No memory foam, deep toppers, or sagging surfaces.
  2. Position baby next to breastfeeding parent: Never between two adults.
  3. Keep pillows and blankets away from baby: Use adult bedding only waist-down.
  4. Dress your baby lightly: A sleepsuit or sleep bag suitable for the room temperature (16–20°C is recommended by the Lullaby Trust).
  5. Avoid overheating: No hats, thick duvets, or multiple layers.
  6. Keep baby at breast level: Nose and mouth always clear; never cover baby’s head.
  7. Remove gaps and hazards: Move bed away from walls or use a bedside crib to eliminate entrapment risks.

(Lullaby Trust, 2023)


Bedsharing Benefits for Families Who Avoid Sleep Training

  • Supports breastfeeding: Night feeds are easier and less disruptive, promoting duration of breastfeeding (Ball, 2007).
  • Enhances parental sleep: Parents often report longer total sleep when bedsharing versus constant transfers (Mosko et al., 1997).
  • Promotes attachment and regulation: Proximity helps babies regulate heart rate, breathing, and stress hormones (Bystrova et al., 2009).
  • Reduces parental stress and guilt: Responsive night parenting aligns with instincts and attachment-focused values.

For parents who don’t want to sleep train, bedsharing can be a lifeline – as long as it is intentional and safe.


Common Myths About Bedsharing

“I’ll create bad habits.”
There’s no evidence that safe bedsharing prevents independent sleep later in childhood. Many children naturally transition to their own sleep space when developmentally ready.

“Bedsharing is always unsafe.”
Unsafe bedsharing is dangerous, yes. Planned, informed bedsharing following safety guidelines carries a very low risk, especially in breastfeeding, non-smoking families (Blair et al., 2014).

“My baby will never leave my bed.”
All children eventually become independent sleepers. For most, the transition happens naturally when the need for proximity decreases.


When to Seek Extra Support

Consider professional help if:

  • Your baby is waking hourly or seems uncomfortable even when bedsharing
  • You’re experiencing severe sleep deprivation or anxiety
  • You’re unsure if bedsharing is safe with your current setup

As a holistic sleep coach, I help families create safe, responsive sleep solutions that respect attachment needs and avoid sleep training.


The Bottom Line

Safe bedsharing can be a protective, nurturing choice for parents who want to respond to their baby’s needs without resorting to sleep training.

By following evidence-based guidelines, planning your sleep space, and staying mindful of risk factors, you can get more rest and connection – without the guilt or danger of accidental bedsharing.

References (UK Harvard style)

Ball, H.L. (2007). Bed-sharing practices of initially breastfed infants in the first 6 months of life. Infant and Child Development, 16(4), 387–401.

Ball, H.L. & Volpe, L.E. (2013). Infant sleep and parental fatigue in the first year of life. Sleep Medicine Clinics, 8(3), 287–299.

Blair, P.S. & Ball, H.L. (2020). The prevalence and characteristics associated with parent–infant bed-sharing in England. Journal of Sleep Research, 29(4), e12938.

Blair, P.S. et al. (2014). Bedsharing and risk of SIDS: An individual level analysis of five major case-control studies. BMJ Open, 4, e004299.

Bystrova, K. et al. (2009). Skin-to-skin contact may reduce stress in mother and infant. Acta Paediatrica, 98(4), 595–601.

La Leche League International (LLLI). (2018). Safe Sleep Seven. https://www.llli.org/safe-sleep-seven

Lullaby Trust. (2023). Co-sleeping and SIDS. https://www.lullabytrust.org.uk

McKenna, J.J. & McDade, T. (2005). Why babies should never sleep alone: A review of the co-sleeping controversy. Paediatric Respiratory Reviews, 6(2), 134–152.

Mosko, S., Richard, C. & McKenna, J. (1997). Infant arousals during mother–infant bedsharing: Implications for SIDS. Sleep, 20(9), 673–679.

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